RESILIENCY FOR OUR CHILDREN

For the previous two workshops the Kinross PLUS group has focused on developing resilience in our children. In these sessions parents brought forward trials and tribulations of their children. And I guess there were many!! Encouragingly we all share similar stories, giving us comfort that we were in fact “normal” and so too our off spring! All of our children are at different stages of development and yet we discovered that the issues they faced were very similar, just varying in complexity. All of these trials – major and minor- came down to one important common denominator - our child’s reaction depended on their level of resiliency. Ahhh resilience! We hear that term quite a lot, but what does it mean?
The Webster dictionary defines resilience as: an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. EXACTLY! In children this misfortune might be “Billy doesn’t want to play with me any more” or “I don’t have a the right shoes so I cant be in the group anymore!”
After two hours of workshopping on this topic we decided that resilience was that “thing” that enables our children to get back up and have the confidence to “soldier on” without the world ending. Establishing the definition was actually the easy part, how to achieve resiliency was in fact the part that took 2 sessions! Looking at the You Can Do It! Parenting modules there are some general strategies designed to support resilience in our children:
1. Make connections
Teach your child how to make friends, including the skill of empathy, or feeling another's pain. Encourage your child to be a friend in order to get friends. Build a strong family network to support your child through his or her inevitable disappointments and hurts. At school, watch to make sure that one child is not being isolated. Connecting with people provides social support and strengthens resilience. Some find comfort in connecting with a higher power, whether through organized religion or privately and you may wish to introduce your child to your own traditions of worship.
2. Help your child by having him or her help othersChildren who may feel helpless can be empowered by helping others. Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work, or ask for assistance yourself with some task that he or she can master. At school, brainstorm with children about ways they can help others.
3. Maintain a daily routine
Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children, especially younger children who crave structure in their lives. Encourage your child to develop his or her own routines.
4. Take a break
While it is important to stick to routines, endlessly worrying can be counter-productive. Teach your child how to focus on something besides what's worrying him. Be aware of what your child is exposed to that can be troubling, whether it be news, the Internet, or overheard conversations, and make sure your child takes a break from those things if they trouble her. Although schools are being held accountable for performance on standardized tests, build in unstructured time during the school day to allow children to be creative.
5. Teach your child self-care
Make yourself a good example, and teach your child the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise and rest. Make sure your child has time to have fun, and make sure that your child hasn't scheduled every moment of his or her life with no "down time" to relax. Caring for oneself and even having fun will help your child stay balanced and better deal with stressful times.
6. Move toward your goals
Teach your child to set reasonable goals and then to move toward them one step at a time. Moving toward that goal - even if it's a tiny step - and receiving praise for doing so will focus your child on what he or she has accomplished rather than on what hasn't been accomplished, and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges. At school, break down large assignments into small, achievable goals for younger children, and for older children, acknowledge accomplishments on the way to larger goals.
7. Nurture a positive self-view
Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges. Help your child learn to trust himself to solve problems and make appropriate decisions. Teach your child to see the humor in life, and the ability to laugh at one's self. At school, help children see how their individual accomplishments contribute to the wellbeing of the class as a whole.
8. Keep things in perspective
Even when your child is facing very painful events, help him look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Although your child may be too young to consider a long-term look on his own, help him or her see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good. An optimistic and positive outlook enables your child to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. In school, use history to show that life moves on after bad events.
9. Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Tough times are often the times when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child take a look at how whatever he is facing can teach him "what he is made of." At school, consider leading discussions of what each student has learned after facing down a tough situation.
10. Accept that change is part of living
Change often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable. In school, point out how students have changed as they moved up in grade levels and discuss how that change has had an impact on the students.
11.Model healthy, positive habits of the mind.
We have discussed positive habits of the mind, the "I can" and "the glass is always half full" thinking. We need to model this to our children and perhaps vocalise our thoughts.

At the end of the day, developing a strong, non-threatening relationship with your child is a common factor in any of the strategies that you employ.
Our next Kinross PLUS workshop will be on 7th May at 2pm. We will be investigating CHILDREN’S PERSONALITIES – WHAT PERSONALITY IS YOUR CHILD? Stay tuned.